What began as chapters of a fiction book I was attempting to write became far too autobiographical. I ended up sharing too much grief, too many realities, too many nightmares… and it made coming back here all the more difficult. Sometimes it’s best to stay away from your own darkness rather than run toward it…
I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve made a lot of bad choices in my life. I was never content to be confined to Knoxville, TN. I travelled extensively, all over the world, working on Information Technology projects and taking jobs within companies to help them get a handle on their own infrastructure.
Often, I’d end up in the middle of Military contracts which included Information Technology projects or assess-and-report projects. Sometimes, these happened because I was travelling, but often, I ended up travelling because of them.
My love life, for the most part, has been torrid but short-lived. I could never decide where I wanted to stay, made a lot of plans that never worked out completely and generally tried to be everything to everyone…
“My house of cards that fell, my concentration broke… Felled by the wind of her breath as she spoke…” (a line from a song I wrote a long time ago)
The one thing that went right in my life for a while, my marriage to Miranda, is long since over and done. I had to ruin it… had to make her hate me… and thirteen years later, I can’t seem to let go of that mistake… Or the fact that I came back to this fucking place to do it.
Dammit, I miss that woman… and I truly don’t think that feeling will ever go away.